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Mental illness is one topic that is dear to my heart. I have been struggling with mental illness throughout my life even when I was still a child. There were just times then when I felt really down as a kid but I do not know what it was nor how to express it. It wasn’t so serious until I was in my secondary school when a few setbacks really introduce full fledged depression to me. In my secondary school, I already had a few episodes of depression. Then a few more really serious episodes of depression in my adult life. I am now 52 and thankfully the last serious depression was more than 14 years ago.
I do not wish to have one as I know how terrible and helpless that feels and have been fighting any urge of that blue monster sucking me back. Or have I been trying just escaping? Perhaps. I probably should have seek counselling earlier I suppose. Maybe I would have continued to ignore this topic or falsely believed that I am healed now if not for a cruel twist of fate. My son was also suffering from depression and recently diagnosed in December 2023 with ADHD (Attention-Deficit, Hyperactivity disorder) and psychosis (early psychosis?). When my boy (first child) was born 14 years ago, I was simply overjoyed. It felt like me being reborn to become a better in every way, less broken version of myself. Physically he is a really a better version, stronger built, better facial feature and likely more intelligent. He is our pride and joy.
Can you imagine my sadness when we discovered that he was also having depression episodes? Well, perhaps having a diagnosis is better early than not realising what’s happening to you and struggle all along. That was me fighting it all along and I definitely do not want my boy to fight alone. These blog entries will be a journal of our journey together as a family to bring him (or even myself) back to his feet (he was almost non functioning). I may appear well on the outside but I am not always so on the inside. No one reading my blog will think that I am perfectly normal. Well, that is also good as it can show that a person with mental illness can also function normal once you ‘get out of it’. In reality, it may take a while to get out of it and everyone is different. My depressive episode range from a mild one that last a few weeks to a very serious one that lasted several months. The serious one nearly knocked me off my feet and I nearly couldn’t get up. Of course, I did not survive that alone, it was a combination of myself, family and friends. I will write about my experience in future blog I hope. I was putting it off as I do not quite wish to be brought back to those very very dark days which I was trying very hard to forget.
Hopefully these writings can bring comfort, healing and help other families deal with this better. Well, as long as one person reads it and benefit from it, it is deemed useful in my opinion so stay tuned!
